An Open Letter to Richelle Carey CNN

An open letter to Richelle Carey CNN: About a fortnight ago, you and I went toe to toe on Twitter about the subject of violence against women. I believe you had called me out on my question about how women could better protect themselves against attack. You took an interesting angle and cautioned me that my lack of sensitivity as well as knowledge was showing. You had a direct message to share with me. Women don’t attract attacks. It is up to men to spread awareness about violence against women and you referred me to a website where I could catch up on having my head in the sand for so many years. Frankly, your tone was both patronizing and insulting and does not go with your regal CNN image. Then, the proverbial detritus hit the fan. Your legion of followers came on to Twitter and called me everything from a sex addict to pervert to predator. When I mentioned this to you in an exchange of at least a dozen tweets we shared that night, you discounted any connection there. Fact is Richelle, I am here as a very educated man and writer to tell you that there is a groundswell of men bashing going on in this country and you are not helping. I contacted you to tell you that I have created a nationwide mentoring team of high school and college students who educate their contemporaries on how to avoid attack and what to carry on their person as a last resort. My daughter, Lindsey (20) and I have bonded on this issue for a few years now, since the sexual assault and murder of Chelsea King in my adopted hometown of San Diego in February, 2010. I know that you would recall that the murderer who eventually was convicted for the crime had killed Amber Dubois, also of San Diego, in the same area a year earlier, only to escape detection. In fact, one of the leading breaks in the case was the man’s DNA match which came from a blood sample that he left at an attack of a woman a month earlier in the same park, who knew enough self-defense to deliver a blow to his nose that gave her just enough time to escape after she had dazed him. This isn’t about men doing more to stop violence against women. This was about you having a conversation with a man and his daughter who lead what is fast becoming a national movement to help women save their lives if they find themselves fighting for their life. In the same month that Chelsea was killed, I was mugged in San Diego by two 20ish criminals who accosted me during a walk in my neighborhood. Somehow, I was a lucky man that day and I was able to get away from them and what they had planned for me. So, again, it’s not about women. It’s about personal safety. Personally, I would have expected better of you. I hope someday you get the opportunity to interview me and my daughter, who by the way, is growing into a confident and influential speaker on this subject and attracting many young women like her to our growing national mentoring organization. As the women speak and build a following, their own strength as a leader, as a woman and as a citizen of the world grows along with their personal swagger. Many young women share with us that it is the first time in their lives that they now feel comfortable in their own skin. That is the part of the program I like best. In closing, especially on personal social media, where you are free from the restrictions of CNN, be a little less instinctive to sum up a man’s position, which leads to a mating call from your wolves. Feel free to contact me if you would like to continue this conversation. I welcome it. stevetarde@gmail.com